When I wanted most to go and live in the land of immortality where the Kingdom of God is the only State and the only Country and everyone’s face radiates the light within their hearts, and God’s own light shines on each and every person, when I wanted to be there, even if it meant leaving my homes and God forbid, my family, I was reminded that while I am still in this flesh I may experience both worlds.
The Kingdom of God is within. So I set out to go in and visit. I found fairies there and they knew me and spoke to me. They live there always and they know not what time is. Of course they wouldn’t know what time is because it is the Kingdom of God. So as this flesh and frame of mine contorts with age when I visit the fairies I am forever young.
I don’t know why I was so quick to leave that place on my last visit. While in the world, my mind often flashed back with spits of memory. This morning, being Sunday again I was anxious to visit the Kingdom.
As I entered the gates to the Kingdom a fairy met me who said she had been waiting for me because she had a surprise.
“Wonderful!” I exclaimed. “I love surprises! Where is it?”
“To find your surprise, you must travel deeper into the Kingdom, there is no listening for your cell phone to call you out, understood?” Suddenly, the fairy sounded much more serious than cheerful. “Evangeline, I am taking you deeper into the Kingdom than you have ever been before, if you don’t completely surrender, you will float back up and you’ll never see the surprise that awaits you.”
With a keen sense of anticipation came the determination not to let anything force me back out. My little fairy friend and I travelled in silence through foggy space. Sounds shot in to redirect me but the fairy quickly flew over to them before they got too close and she blew the sounds away for me.
The fog lifted particle at a time until it seemed that I awoke in light. I noticed a big black rock on the banks of a wide river. On the rock sat a beautiful young woman with her heir tied back low and wavy. I rushed over to see who it was and lo and behold it was my mother! She looked exactly as she had in my mind on that heartrending morning after the machine surprisingly indicated to me that her heart stopped beating. Right away I had closed my eyes to find her. I saw the beautiful young lady who was before me, and was glad.
Mary jumped off the rock when she spotted me and ran towards me. We hugged a hug that exuded the essence life and love. How beautiful life is I thought. I cried, “Mom, I have missed you so much.”
“But my darling Evangelia, I have always been right here inside of you. When you think of me I am instantly awakened. You are my sunshine.”
“Mom,” I needed to ask her, “have you seen God?”
As if to change the subject she replied, “Do you remember the life of anguish that I lived inside my body?” Of course I remembered the mental illness that writhed within her twisting her all up, the metamorphous of which I was only minimally aware and that not until I became an adult and learned that she had once been a beautiful cheerful young lady and not the distorted suicidal wreck that was the floor of her earthly experience. Millions of pills reconfigured her whole circuitry so that after fifty years or so of the chemical life, polyester pills so warped who she had been that there was no possibility of return to the natural mind of her youth. She had been refashioned by drugs. I wished she hadn’t asked me that question.
Mom continued, “When I first left my body I was instantly young again, but our Lord has had to help me grow into myself, so warped was I that I needed a process to remake me. This is how He did it. He gathered all of the bad stuff of my life into a large ball. At first it was as big as a beach-ball but very heavy. I was never allowed to set the ball down, but I could shrink the ball with my tears. As I contemplated my sinfulness, the horrid things I said and did I cried onto the ball. My soul strengthened as the ball dissolved. Now that these six earthly years have passed, my ball lies in the palm of my hand and I have been given the joyous gift of our reunion. Praise the God who illuminates with His love, Wisdom of the ages, Father of fathers.
“Let me tell you, I have seen the Mother of God, Mary, she told me how she transformed you so that you could care for me in the latter years. I was so very grateful, I have thanked her a million times for both of us. Someday you will see her too.”
“Oh mom how I wish I could see her. Yes, she did that for us. It was amazing!” Then my mind drifted, “It’s also amazinghow I was once invisibly inside of you and now you are invisibly inside of me! Full circle! Cool!”
“Yes, full circle with God in the middle!” she threw her lovely head back with a giggle. I was still astounded at how beautiful she was. If I hadn’t seen all of those old photographs of young mom and her friends I would have never recognized her.
“This time I wanted to stay and hug her more but tears fell from her eyes because time was still my burden and we couldn’t be real friends yet.The fairies flew over and covered my mother and in total surrender, I floated to the surface.As I was surfacing I could hear her singing to me,
Blue Moon, You saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own
You know just what I was there for
You heard me saying a prayer for
Someone I really could care for
and I cried.