ALIVE: Chapter 95 Growing Up Holy

Anna woke up earlier than usual that morning, before the dawn, but try as she did, she couldn’t fall back to sleep so she got out of bed, lit her oil lamp, grabbed a pillow and went over to her chair covering her legs with the small woolen blanket, and sat comfortably and quietly. She thought of how Mary had blossomed over the years. She was still such a quiet and pensive child. The temple mother had watched over her so well, to make sure she learned the psalms and the law. Then Anna tried to recall the lessons little Mary had told her on their last visit.

 In her quiet hallowed home Anna filled her soul with worship. The bitter taste of the absence of her precious child had been supplanted by thick sweet honey knowing how well Mary was cared for. The Lord must have a reason in Mary’s own life for separating her from her natural mother, and giving her another mother, all the while knowing how very much Anna, as far away as she was, loved her. For truly Anna loved Mary and the Lord, more, much more than she cared for herself. How else could she endure the loneliness? It was true that the teachers in the temple could fill her young mind and heart with so much more peace and beauty than she could have in the world with its conflicts and demands. Anna contemplated what a life of service to God, of learning, and uninterrupted love and service to the Lord would be like. Pure gold.

 “Thank you Lord, for this moment.” In the candlelit darkness Anna’s soul, like rising bread-dough gradually, mysteriously, filled with gratitude. She whispered so as not to waken Joachim, “Blessed be God, and blessed be all his holy angels. May His holy name be blessed throughout all the ages. Though He afflicted me with childlessness, He has had mercy upon me. Now I have given to Him of what He gave me. My heart rejoices in Him. May He be glorified through the ages and may my daughter, His daughter, glorify Him all the days of her life, to sit in His temple and behold the wonders of His mysteries.” Anna wondered if perhaps her daughter would someday marry and give birth to a prophet. But she abruptly stopped that line of thinking. God will do what He wants and it is not up to me, thought Anna, ashamed to even entertain such thoughts.

Joachim’s louder snoring arrested her frivolous thoughts and pulled her back into the chilly room. Then his breathing sounded labored and Anna began to worry. He was getting old, she could see how he walked with a limp and was hunching over. Joachim had been such a strong young man, and now he is ripening like a soft sweet pear that has lost its grit.

The snoring stopped. Anna decided that her mind was wandering too much, so she tried to sit without words and watch the sun ever so gradually fill her room with light.

Peaceful silence was broken again by Joachim’s snoring, and since it was daybreak Anna stood up to start a fire and boil water.

As she went about the home tidying up and preparing breakfast Anna noticed that Joachim was sleeping much later than usual, but she didn’t want to wake him up, as she figured that he needed the sleep. He was close to his 80th year. How quickly the years had passed. She could barely remember their life before Mary, so much had the child filled their hearts and consciousness. Since they left her in Jerusalem they lived from visit to visit savoring the anticipation, and then the memories. How she had blossomed in the temple. How many years had it been? Anna struggled so to remember that she had to sit down and think hard. Of course she remember that Mary was only three, but how old was she now? A bird then perched itself on her window sill looking for the breadcrumbs that Anna often left there. She smiled at her little feathered friend, glad for someone else to feed. As she went to her breadbox to sweep the crumbs for the bird, she thought of king David and how it angered the Lord when he counted the soldiers in his army. What do the years mean anyway? Silly me. What does time mean to God? Come little bird, here is your breakfast. Just as she set the crumbs on the sill she heard Joachim rise. And so her day was to begin again.

Joachim entered the room his long white hair all messed up and bedclothes rumpled and asked, “When is it that we are going to visit Mary? I forgot.”

Anna smiled at her old man. “Good morning! In a few days, after Shabbat my dear. Now wash up. What would you like for breakfast?”

That was a joke because every morning for their sixty years together as one, Joachim sipped his cup of mountain tea and ate two rusks and an egg for breakfast. In season he also ate a few figs. As she scurried around the kitchen space Anna thought about the rhythm of the repetition of the days, how morning follows morning as if there is only one that never ends. How her life had taken a turn; she never could have anticipated these quiet days when she was a young girl like her Mary, but with sisters. How she missed her sisters Zoia and Mary. Perhaps one day they could meet her in Jerusalem to visit Mary. Perhaps their daughters Elizabeth and Salome would come too, maybe at Passover. Enough thinking, she thought.

“Joachim, your breakfast is on the table my love, come.”

Joachim shuffled into the room and sat down. “Anna, do we have honey? I think I want some this morning.”

“Yes dear, remember last month Moishe brought us a jar from his farm. I will get it.”

“Anna, I dreamed about my mother and father again last night. This time I was a boy out in the fields looking for snakes and both of my parents were calling me as if I was lost and they were desperate to find me. I could see them but they couldn’t see me.  I called back but they couldn’t hear me, and then their voices turned into Mary calling for me, I tried to holler to tell her where I was, but sound didn’t come out of my mouth, I couldn’t even hear myself, and then I woke up. I don’t feel well Anna.”

“You will be fine Joachim. We will go to see Mary soon and you will perk up.” Anna said that, but as she looked at her husband, she noticed another degree of weakness in him.

Joachim’s blue eyes grew wet and hazy as he stared into the air. “Yes. I will see Mary and feel better.”

“Perhaps you should go visit your shepherds this morning. It’s been several days, and I will finish making this dress for her soon. Okay?”

After eating his breakfast Joachim left the house without thinking to say good bye to Anna so deep in thought was he. Instead of going to his field, he was drawn to hike up the nearby mountain to hear God as Moses did.

 He only made it part of the way and found a ledge that he decided would have to suffice. Sitting on the ledge he surveyed the valley beneath him and the sheep and cows grazing. The sun was rising higher in the cloudless sky beating its rays down on him to warm his old bones. So tired from climbing was he that he laid down on the warm rock and closed his eyes. He soon dozed off. When he opened his eyes again the sun was already past high noon. He was in the middle state between asleep and awake. The quiet of the mountain pleased Joachim. He was still lying on the rock gazing at the sky when he heard words. He couldn’t discern whether the sound came into his ears from outside or up through his heart; it was a very distinct message. Joachim heard, “Your seed will deliver your soul from Sheol and you will live with Me forever.” The message was short and clear, but he had no conception of what it could mean?

 Joachim sat up alert for more words that didn’t come. He surveyed the valley beneath him and then mustered the energy to descend. While making his way back down Joachim could not forget the message, neither could he meditate about what it meant while searching for a stable place to land each foot lest he fall with no one to hear his cries.

As for the strange message, Joachim wanted the right time and place to think about it. Descending the mountain was more difficult than the climb. He was continually trying to keep from sliding on the dusty earth and falling, even with the aid of his walking stick. The hot sun made him feel dizzy. He needed water. “Oh this old carcass, how long must I endure your feebleness?” said Joachim to himself. If Joachim had been aware of his guardian angel helping him every step of the way, he wouldn’t have been so anxious. When he reached the foot of the mountain, he didn’t even pause, but went straight to the well for refreshing water.

After quenching his thirst Joachim walked over to the temple to sit before going home.

Inside, the temple was dark and cool and empty. The young men were out in the fields or at their work in the village.

While sitting in the cool room he got the sense it would not be long before he would join his parents in Sheol. The vale between life and death was becoming more opaque, to the point that he couldn’t remember who was still alive and who had passed on of his friends and relatives. His mother and father visited him more frequently. They weren’t always memories or dreams, their visits were something else. He felt their presence. Are they coming to take him?

He wondered whether this next visit to Mary would be his last. As he walked home Joachim looked down at the dusty hard ground and for the first time regarded the earth as his true home, where his old bones would rest until the earth is no more. He felt no fear. He was grateful for his life, and for his wife and daughter, and he prayed in thoughts that the Lord would care well for them in his absence. Yes, sending Mary to the temple, as much as it grieved him and still does, Joachim knew that the separation was right. That Anna was wise to give her up.  Her precious life would not be changed when he died. Hopefully their love for each other would be as strong, if not stronger in his absence. Perhaps he would still be able to visit her and watch over her. But Anna. Oh my Anna, all these years....

 With that thought Joachim found himself at his front door again.

 “You have been gone all day! Are you okay my dear? Come inside and let me feed you. Let’s wash our hands together. Supper is ready.”

Joachim smiled at how oblivious she was to the reality that he had been facing. He wanted it that way. Let the Lord prepare her as He did himself.

Finally, the day came when Joachim and Anna were to take their journey to Jerusalem and to the big Temple to visit their little girl. She was just ten years old. Every time they went she looked so different. She grew so fast. And yet she was still the same pensive sweet Mary they gave birth to and they loved with all their hearts and souls. Now that sweet child was being filled with knowledge of the Lord, of the psalms, and of the law. They were so impressed by her depth and her humility for such a young person. They wondered what they would find, how much Mary will have blossomed this time.

 Perched on their own camels in the caravan it was impossible to speak but Joachim had so much to say to Anna. It was difficult for him to stay upright on the camel. He was worried that he wouldn’t be able to make the trip again. Without visits to Mary he was as already dead.

While bobbing up and down on the camel, Joachim was reminded of the message by his extreme thirst like that of that day on the mountain. But this time he had a skin of water with him. He just needed the caravan to stop so he could take a drink. Still thirsty he spent the hollow time of travel thinking about the message of his seed and deliverance. He didn’t dare tell the priest, or any priest of the great temple for fear of being stricken down and sharply reprimanded for entertaining heretical notions. Instead, he wanted tell Anna. She wouldn’t chide him, and she might even be willing to talk about it with him. He wondered what she would think of it. No. He changed his mind. It was too strange, too boastful to even imagine such a thing. He had better not fill her mind with such notion of eternal life, whatever that meant. Besides, they only had one child, and a girl at that. No. He would keep the message to himself. If it was true that his soul could be delivered from Sheol, then he would be patient and wait, yes wait in hope that it is true, but he would tell no one.

At that moment the leader of the caravan rang his bell to indicate that they could stop and rest and drink their water. Joachim rolled off the donkey as an old man or a child would. But he landed on his feet and went straight for the skin of water, lifted it to his parched mouth and took five large swallows.

“You must have been might thirsty!” exclaimed Anna. “My turn.” And she reached her hand out for the water skin.

“I was.” replied Joachim handing her the pouch which was much lighter. “How much farther before we stop for the night?”

This had been the most difficult of all the trips the elderly couple had taken during the seven years that Mary lived in the temple. They tried to come often, every few months, but even Anna wondered how Joachim could make it. Perhaps, she thought, they should move to Jerusalem to be near her and if permitted, they could visit more often.  Anna kept this idea in her heart to discuss at the right time with Joachim.

When they finally arrived after the most arduous journey and settled in the room of the boarding house that had become so familiar, Joachim went directly to the bed and slept without even washing the dust off his body.

Meanwhile, Anna unpacked and left Joachim to sleep while she walked round the marketplace. It felt good to be off the camel and to stretch her legs.

The following morning the couple woke up together and quickly dressed to not waste a moment before being with their daughter.

Mary ran straight to her father and gave him a long hug. Tears whelled up in his old blue eyes, that he shut to feel her youth and her beauty and her joy. How she loved her father. He wasn’t worthy of such love. How could he be? Nevertheless, if it was the love of God that poured through this lovely young girl, then it was the strength of love itself, and that, he could accept. That love has a substance of its own, its own power, it’s own reality beyond the human heart, but is it a power that is as another of Gods creations, or is it a spit of God’s own essence?

As he observed Mary and Anna chatting cheerfully Joachim looked at his daughter and sensed that she would carry the whole world on her shoulders. How could this possibly be? He looked at his adorable ten year old, at the brink of her passage out of childhood and wondered if this notion was a gift, or was it perhaps a prophecy? He shook his head ruffling his white hair to rid himself of such speculations. Mary look curiously at her father. “What is it papa? Are you alright? May I get you something?”

“I am fine my darling. It is so good to be here with you. Tell me what you learned this week.”

 “Well!” replied Mary merrily, let me show you what I did! I’ll be right back!” She ran to her bed and opened the chest at the foot of the bed, found her embroidery and pull it out, messing the rest of the items to tidy up later. Then she ran back to her papa and showed him the most colorful embroidered cloth. “See! I did this all myself!”

“Anna looked on admiring her daughter’s handiwork and said, “I am sure that I couldn’t do any better!”

“Thank you mama. Papa do you like it?”

“Of course I do my dear. I have never seen such a colorful design. It looks like a field of summer flowers. How long did it take you to make this?”

“Oh! I’m not even finished yet. I want to give it to my friend Ruth who is an orphan. I’m her mother!”

Anna and Joachim smiled at each other and then looked over at Mary. Anna said, “How kind of you. Is Ruth a little girl like you were when you first arrived?”

“No mama,” replied Mary, she is much older and she is about to leave and be married, but she still needs a mother, and I will always be her mother.”